Monday, December 18, 2006

Stranger...



When I looked at my face in the morning, I found a stranger looking back at me. This stranger seemed familiar – had the same shaped nose and eyes, same colour of skin and hair, and the same gold rimmed spectacles on that I had on my face. What she didn’t have was the twinkle in her eye, the smile on her lips or the excitement of a new day. I don’t recognize this stranger, and I am scared of facing her again.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Friends

I’ve never had too many friends. Acquaintances yes, but not friends. Because, I don’t call casual acquaintances my friends. For me, a friend is someone I relate to, I open out to. Someone I can understand and someone who can understand me. And that’s the reason why I have a whole lot of acquaintances, whom I call my outer circle, but not friends – the inner circle.

It’s been like this for a long time – school actually, when I had friends who didn’t like me much. That was when I realized that every Tom, Dick and Harry can not be your friend. You need to choose your friends with care. And those who are not your friends shouldn’t really affect you much. I then built a defense mechanism of sorts, letting very few people close to me. It allowed me to become emotionally independent and the effect has been good and bad. I can be a lone operator – I know I can function in isolation and function well. I don’t crack up due to lack of company.

The flip side is that I’ve become too independent – and that affects my friendship with the few close friends that I do have. When there are problems, I tend to adopt an I-don’t-need-them-if-they-don’t-need-me attitude. Because of this, in the past I’ve lost some real great friends. And I’m on my way to lose another.