Monday, April 20, 2009

Why did I pick the lilies?



Last evening, I saw a beautiful bunch of lilies... right besides the stairway to our house. There is a row of potted plants that we don't really maintain... I dont know how the lily survived, but yesterday, there were about 6 beautiful, long stemmed ones there... ruby red, smiling in the light of the setting sun...


And without a second thought, I plucked all of them and put them in a vase at home.... I, who am a big fan of letting flowers stay in the bushes... I have been thinking and can't decide why I plucked them and left them in the vase to wither away...








Tried a mango cake on this weekend... looked and smelled great... :) well, it tasted good too, but the texture was not light and fluffy... so I must be messing with the proportions.... have got to scour the net for a good eggless recipe... been wanting to do this for ages... sigh!











Saw Before Sunrise and Before Sunset back to back... loved the concept.... why don't they make romantic movies like that anymore? I honestly wish I could write that well.... I'd turn into a full time writer... :) It was a romantic's dream come true... a story based on a magical, spontaneous connection unfolding in beautiful locations in Vienna & then Paris.






The best part was that there was mystery and intrigue, the climax was open ended in both... as a viewer, I can decide how I want the story to end... in the words of one the protagonists, if you are a romantic you want to believe in the happy ending, if you are a cynic, you won't... How nice if we could choose what happens in real life too... if only, wishes were horses...

Monday, April 13, 2009

Zombied?

There is much work to be done, but my brain fails to process the information that is thrown at me. With much effort I get the brain to work, but my hands refuse to obey the orders it sends out...

I feel like I am living in a zombie state - going from one activity to another without creally living it. I have begun to listen to the dham-dham music as I used to call it. That is essentially music with very loud beats. After a while, I realise I haven't soaked up the song as I used to... I haven't lived the music as I used to. It faded into the background in a while and I couldn't tell when tracks change. I start an activity and dont take it to completion. A movie I began seeing last week still needs about 40 mins of my attention. A painting I began last year has patches of blank canvas staring back at me. Half written stories and poems call me to themselves all the time... I no longer get happiness out of these things. Sometimes, I feel I am doing this just to continue being the same person I once was... I am clinging to these things, not willing to change... and that seems to be a big reason for the way I feel right now...

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Prayer...

After the burst of activity at the start of this year, I lapsed into non blogging again... well, big reasons too... life changing, not happy ones... having lived in a nuclear family far away from your entire extended family emotionally distances you from them... things such as marriages, births and deaths do not affect you the same way they would have had you been a part of their everyday life. And in the age when we grew up, telephones, emails, social networking sites were not readily available... You do tend to live a sort of solipsistic life... the self however extends to your immediate family too... But having said that, nothing prepares you for the loss of a family member, an immediate family member... I lost my mother in law and our family is still coming to grips with it...

My eyes are wet even as I write this, in memory of the lady who said I am not your mother in law, I am your mumma... Whenever I heard anyone say we dont get along well with the MIL, I would cross my fingers and knock on wood... for my 'mumma' had nothing but love to give... she was too young to go and put up a fight till the last ounce of energy... I never got to tell her how much I appreciated her, how much I had enjoyed bonding with her, how much I wanted to give back what I got and didn't get to do it...

All I can do now is pray that she be at peace wherever she is and her hand remains on top of our heads like it was...